Thursday, July 26, 2012

i ponder one in particular

Summertime reminds me of backyard barbeques, trips to the beach, and pool parties in the yard of my childhood home. My siblings taught me how to swim, and cheat at cards, and how to apply sunscreen. There are a lot of us: I have nine siblings, each of whom I adore. On this summer day, though, I ponder one in particular:

Diana.

Diana has always been my hero. She's forever awed me with her perfect teeth, confident stride, feathered blonde hair, and blue eye shadow.

When I was a little tyke, I'd climb into her bed and pull the covers over my head whenever she'd go out with her boyfriend. I felt safe in that bed. In there, no boogeymen would get me. The pillow smelled of her perfume. As a bonus, when she returned from datenight, she'd carry me from her bed to mine. I loved clinging to her neck as she moved me quietly through the house.

A few years ago, I did something stupid that caused me the loss of her respect. No matter how hard, loud, or tearful my cries for forgiveness, my sister no longer calls. She ignores my Facebook friend requests. She recently sent me a text message, though. I keep it on my iPhone and I see it every day - kind of like having a close friend nearby.

Even though I miss and ponder Diana, I am not pining for her. While I love and adore her, I do not lament her. It took me six years to get to this peaceful place, and I got here because I became committed to having a relationship with Diana (and her wacky, loveable husband, Bob), while releasing my attachment to how a relationship may come to be. So many years after the explosion, I accept that I am how I am, and she is as she is - and it's all good.

More simply: I'm no longer attached to getting her to forgive me. Instead, I am committed to being in relationship with her - and this is a lifelong commitment; one that I will not abandon, not even if she stops wearing blue eyeshadow.

Today I ponder one in particular, a woman onto whose neck I clung so many nights as a child. When will I speak with her again? Who can say. While I miss her, I pray that she and Bob are well and happy.

I am.

23 comments:

  1. Beautiful. Poignant. Inspiring!

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  2. What you shared inspires me to new places of healing. Thank you for showing up in my life as you.

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  3. I have the exact same experience in my life and with my Sister Maureen. I too am happy!

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  4. Some may wonder if there's any drama we may be missing...

    Just kidding! Your story is a great example of how we should all treat relationships.

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  5. My high school girlfriend recently visited me and we talked about how we ignored our kid sisters growing up. This kid sister of mine is now the one I call on when I need a witness to my life--the whole thing all the way back to childhood. She is now the only one in the world who can remember with me and because of her perspective I have been able to heal the deepest of wounds that are inflicted for real or imaginary early on. Now I cherish and love this sibling so much so that I hope it makes up for all that time when even my imaginary friend was more important than her. She was invisible then and now she illuminates my life. I love you Kathleen. Thanks for this very inspiring blog post Rev. Dr. David...I love you too! Let's just tell everyone we love that we do.

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  6. Thanks for sharing the clarity you've come to - the simplicity of reality. More than that, thank you for your exquisite display of humanness and evolution. Your entry today gives us an experience of moving from one level of perceiving reality to another, more connected and grounded perception. A priceless gift indeed: Relationship begins with me, and inside me, and I alone determine the quality of that experience. Thank you for that empowering gift!
    Love,
    EM

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  7. Families...don't we love them though.
    Thank you for that great "share" David.
    Darla

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  8. Beautiful, love love love this. I am proud of you, you are my hero

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  9. You know what makes you magical to me and everyone, it is that you are human! I love that y have had your calling and you still show up to us with all your raw personal life's issues! You are real, and a blessing, we are lucky to learn from you. We are thankful for you! Love, Michelle

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  10. I just re-read this and I am amazed at the powerfull spirit within you that you draw your strenght from. I hope so much good comes from this, it is already working on me. I have such comfort knowing I have such a amazing brother. I love you David

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    1. I am lucky to have you as my sister, my hero.

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  11. Your generosity and eloquence touched me deeply. You give us YOU and we are each enriched by it.

    I am reminded; thank you, that I may choose to stay in relationship with my daughter Teal. My love for her is infinite and will last beyond this mortal shell. Though I am denied her physical presence, I am reinvigorated in that I AM in a relationship with her.

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  12. Love where you can love. You still have pure love for Diana and I pray that someday, somehow, that love will come back to you. The last words I had with my younger sister were angry words and she was gone just 8 weeks later. But I loved her and I still do. Don't give up. Just continue to love. I love you David Bruner, I really do. I feel your pain and I am putting God right in the middle of it knowing it will set you free. Peggy Lambdin

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